University can be a challenging journey on its own, without the added struggle of being homesick. If you are an international student or have moved to Kelowna for university, you know the feeling. It is one of the biggest challenges of growing up. As you are learning to live on your own, you are also learning to live alone. Figuring out how to navigate the inherent loneliness that comes with being an adult can be a beautiful and rewarding thing.
As an international student from India, I struggled to adjust to life and loneliness here. Much more than the culture shocks, it was the homesickness that I struggled with. I have accepted it as a part of my daily life now. I do not think I will “get over it” but learning how to live with and make it work for me has been a great learning experience.
I have realized homesickness comes and goes in waves. It is sometimes aggressive and loud, demanding to be heard and answered. It involves crying to your mom on video calls and then impulsively making food from home only to realize it will never be like your mom’s.
Often, homesickness can be passive. The air has a different smell here. The flowers look different. The sky is the wrong colour too. It is the daily acknowledgment of the differences that surround you. Sometimes it is annoying, sometimes sad, but also sometimes deeply enriching.
Homesickness is not a bad thing at all. In fact, once you figure out how to become friends with your homesickness, you are in for a wonderful journey of self-discovery. Here are some tips that you can use to navigate homesickness.
Make friends
This one seems so obvious and silly, yet this is the one most people falter on. Of course, you must make friends to not be lonely, but sometimes that is the exact thing stopping you from making friends. Loneliness, when shared, is always easier to carry.
Recognizing that everyone around you has the same shared experience can be very comforting. Especially in a diverse and international place like UBCO, having people to share your experiences in their own unique ways can be deeply fulfilling. Everyone is a little bit homesick, and there is lots to share between each other.
Spend time with yourself
One of the biggest challenges of adulthood is learning to live with yourself. It is the realization that you are going to be your own mental roommate for a very long time. It absolutely does not hurt getting to know this person you are going to spend so much time with.
The difference between being lonely and being alone is freedom of choice. This can be a tough thing to realize for extroverts, who derive energy from spending time with others, and for introverts, who have trouble navigating the alone time they now have so much of. One usually does not have control over “being lonely,” and it can feel discouraging and alienating. Making the deliberate choice to hang out with yourself, on the other hand, can be healing and fun.
For me, taking the time out of my day to consciously spend time with myself was a great tool. Being an introvert, I enjoy rejuvenating my social battery and need my alone time. Instead of treating my self-dates as “recharge time,” I framed them as social events with myself. Going out alone and doing things I like helped me get control over my loneliness. It was at times boring and a little sad, considering I am not a great conversationalist with myself, but I am glad I did it anyway.
Accept that this is not permanent
Homesickness and loneliness come and go in waves. Trying to suppress those feelings or reducing them can instead make matters worse. More than acknowledging your feelings, it is important to allow yourself to feel them. It does not mean you have to be sad all the time but nurturing your homesickness can be a wonderful grounding tool. It helps you have a sense of identity and personal history, while also letting you navigate the world as a new, growing adult person. Think of it as a little goblin that lives inside your head, sometimes wreaking havoc and sometimes cuddling up with you.
As overwhelming as the prospect seems right now, you will not be homesick for the rest of your life. It is highly likely that you will not spend the rest of your life in Kelowna, or even in Canada. The things that bother you about your place in the world right now will seem so insignificant once you have gone through them. The sky will seem like the right colour again.
Recreate the feeling of home
An easy way you can combat the feeling of being disconnected is by finding ways to reconnect. It can be marathoning your comfort movies, making food from home, or simply spending time doing things that you love. Little things can go a long way. They help fill the everyday gap between your space of comfort and the space you are in. Over time, they add up and can really make a huge difference. On that journey, you can also find your own version of home and create new traditions, recipes, and games that can be yours for all the years to come.
My friends have an annual Friendsgiving tradition, where everyone makes food from back home to share. It makes me realize that homesickness is not always missing home, but missing the familiarity, the comfort, and the warmth of shared love. While I cannot fly back home as often as I like, I am happy that I can find it if I look at the right places.
Learning to navigate loneliness and homesickness is one of the most challenging and most rewarding parts of adulthood. University places you in a wonderful space in time to be able to tackle that. Sharing your experiences, making new and meaningful relationships, becoming friends with yourself are deeply valuable aspects of this journey. Homesickness does not need to be an obstacle when it can be a friend.
About the author
Sanaa Shaikh is a third-year international student from India. She is studying Philosophy, Politics, and Economics with a minor in Spanish. Sanaa loves spontaneous trips, petting small animals, and starting new projects that she’ll never finish. Her favourite thing to do in Kelowna is getting ice cream downtown and chilling by the marina.
